My Dad passed away in my Mom's arms on August 27th.
It's how I'm sure he wanted it, just the two of them. Hearing Mom recount those last minutes and the love/understanding that went on will always be special to me.
I had gone out to Utah with Brooks and the twins earlier in the month and thought I wouldn't be able to come out for the funeral. The logistics of it, I just couldn't see a way. Through tears I just felt so helpless in not being there, not being able to mourn with my family and give my mom a hug. I KNEW I had to figure out a way. I could do it if I just had one baby but with twins, they wouldn't let me on the plane.
Then it dawned on me, THAT'S IT! I WOULD just take one baby and since the funeral was on a weekend, I could quickly fly back for a day and make it back while Brooks was home on the weekend anyway.
At 4:40am in the twins' dark bedroom, I reached into the crib to find the first baby I could to take with me. It turned out to be Iley.
She didn't give me the Price-is-Right reaction I was hoping for, she remained quite sleepy instead. Sorry Wynn. Better luck next time.
Just me and my girl on the plane.
I was up in the air as to which twin to pick the whole week. Wynn was in a stage that she was more content when she was awake, but Iley could fall asleep when she nursed on the plane better.
The plane was 100% full except for two seats.....and they were both on my row. We had the whole row to ourself. I couldn't help but give a quick smile heavenward and think earthly and my Heavenly fathers had something to do with that.
My sweet mother-in-law picked me up from the airport and let me change at her house before I took HER car to drive up to my family's home. I made this shirt for Iley to wear. She looked so sweet.
Pat is always so considerate and put in the front seat an ice chest of chocolate covered cinnamon bears and about six carbonated flavored waters for me. (It's my detox route from Pop. haha) On top of that, she made me smoothie and a huge bowl of cut up fresh peaches. She's so thoughtful.
I actually didn't TELL any of my family I was (last-minute) coming to the funeral. I told one sister so she could help guide the funeral plans and times at a time I could be there.....covert-mission style. I texted her to have her camera ready when I walked in.
But when I was literally 5 minutes from the church my mom called. I KNEW I couldn't pick up because I would spoil the surprise. She left a message just saying that it was about to start and she was thinking of me.
Two minutes later I showed up. It took her a little while to register who I was. (I got the same shocked look from my older brothers when I walked in too)
Then it dawned on her who I was and she gave into her cane just a little.
I was just SO happy to be there and give her a hug....finally!
Iley was quickly taken out of my arms. Aunt Mindi beat everyone to it.
I immediately noticed the beautiful coffin (not "casket", it's a coffin.) my sister Jess.
It was so perfect for him. (Love the fireworks in the flowers and the Brazilian quilt behind) He wanted to be buried in a rickety old Halloween coffin he used every year. That was obviously not his best idea nor would it even hold a 2 year old's weight. But he wanted one similar to that.
So my sister, Wa and her husband Jim actually MADE the coffin for Dad. Such a labor of love. It turned out perfect.
I got to see so many loved ones there. Including my Mom's best friend, who is similar to a 2nd mom for me.
And obviously family I hadn't seen in forever. Here's my Uncle John and Aunt Beth from Washington
And of course my favorite peeps (brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews). My face here.....hmmmm......this could very well be one of my "aunt-ly" talks to my nieces about being kind, choosing the right, no swearing, obey your parents and listing all the reasons I love them.
My brother's smile in the back kills me.
Here's the flower arrangement from the kids. It's full of Brazilian flowers and perfect. The Bird-of-paradise flower is my absolute favorite.
I really love hanging out with my family. Me and Wa.....and Jim's fingers.
After the visitation time we had a group family prayer and then the program started. Speaking of program, I just loved his.
I guess an advantage of knowing your time on earth is short is you can be as involved in the funeral planning (and coffin planning) as you want. The whole service was beautiful and perfect. There were funny stories, tears shed, a LOT of music, talks on Jesus Christ in whom my Dad testified of his whole life and did I say beautiful music? There were so many stories of him and memories flooded back to me. I knew this man as my dad, obviously knowing he wasn't perfect (as none of us are), but hearing everything about him and remembering I was just amazed HOW much good he accomplished. The place was filled with people, others that came the night before and the mailbox full at home of people sending their memories of Dad.
It just made me want to be SO much better.
Heavenly Father can USE each of us to touch others here on earth.
That's exactly what he did with Dad.
I left the funeral VERY uplifted, motivated to be better and touched by all the kindness shown to my family.
And having my in-laws drive up in support made it that much better.
We drove over the cemetery that I grew up by for Dad's burial service.
Sons and Sons-in-law as pall-bearers.
It was a sweet and short burial......and a beautiful day as wel.
My siblings/spouses, mom and me. Would've definitely been better if Brooks was there.
After there was a cannon salute done by my brothers. Probably the first cannon salute this cemetery has had, but it was kinda a no brainer for Dad. Every 4th of July he would shoot this thing for our early morning devotional and also out the back of his old-fashioned truck as mom drove it around while Dad played the piano in the back of it. My Dad was kind of an original, you could say. :)
My five brothers.
Not sure if it was the cannon shoot or something else, but Iley decided to produce her OWN bomb and completely exploded out her diaper all over her cousin Lizzie/Ziggy.
Of course I didn't have any spare clothes at the cemetery, but Aunt Wa to the rescue in washing her off and cleaning up everything.
By the time we got BACK to the church for a luncheon, Iley was feeling fantastic in a new outfit and cleaned up.....well, that, and Uncle Matt makes her smile pretty easily.
Little skinny minnie. She was kinda fussy during the funeral and on and off during the day.....but I still think she was a trooper......a pooper-trooper to be exact.
After we went back to Mom's house that was basically turned into a florist's shop with all the plants, arrangements and flowers sent to Mom. There was just so much support.
And we had a big bon-fire.....because why not. Dad would've loved it.
I love this picture of Mom...... one of the strongest ladies I know.
The next morning I was able to catch part of church with Mom and then my sister Jess and her girls drove me down to the airport. Iley being doted on the whole way.
And LOOKIE who I ran into at the airport!!!!!!
My uncle and aunt!!!!! I love them. And their constant happiness.
Iley started getting fussy....and the plane kept getting delayed. PLUS, the plane was 100% full with me crammed against a window. All I could think was, please let it be women or kids sitting next to me so I don't feel all awkward nursing next to a man!
Well, the two seats next to me WERE occupied by men.
THANKFULLY, they were the type of men that want to sleep the whole 3 hour flight.
SO LUCKY!!!! (I'm kinda a creepy passenger taking pictures of strangers sleeping I guess)
I was SO grateful to have been able to go to mourn and rejoice-in-a-life with my family. My husband covered the weekend/church with the 9 kids and obviously and unsurprisingly ran the house better then I could with everything clean when I got home. It's so weird to word it like this, but I truly had the most wonderful time there, and committed myself to be better.
Everyone had a part in the program and since I wasn't going to be there Mom asked that I write Dad's obituary. Mom added one paragraph about River Heights (which I'm glad):
(one of my favorite pictures of my parents)
The world became a more dynamite place when our dad, Ralph Gerdes Degn was born in Logan, Utah on October 16, 1940 to Iris and Wilford “Bennie” Degn. By the time he graduated from Ogden High School he solidified his place as the piano man who also likes to blow things up. Being the piano man at Grand Canyon during the summer helped him play his way into a certain cabin maid’s heart and thankfully Mary Ann Daynes agreed to marry him on June 8, 1967 in the Salt Lake LDS Temple.
Dad’s passion for fireworks, rockets, chemicals and all things pyrotechnic served him well as he decided to make a career out of it. We laugh about the fact that Mom had no idea he had any interest in rockets until she woke up to homemade rockets drying on their window sill two weeks after they were married. But a successful career he had. A few decades after starting his fireworks from the back of their station wagon, he has seen his fireworks light up the sky at local, national, international and even Olympic events.
Some of Dad’s fondest memories were up at Pickleville Playhouse where he played the piano during the summer for over 30 years. He had a reputation of being the man playing ragtime with the flying fingers who was too busy smiling at the audience to look at his hands.
Brazil has always had a special place in Dad’s heart. He began his missionary service there as a 20 year old. Later in life with Mom, he would return there three more times, first as the Sao Paulo North mission President (1993-1996), next as executer of the Perpetual Education Fund (2005-2006), and lastly as the President of the Brazil MTC (2012-2014). A total of 9 years serving a country and people he so dearly loved. For 8 years Dad taught classes for returned missionaries at the Logan LDS Institute, and was the author of two books to help them assimilate back into the “real world” while still keeping the spirit.
Mom and Dad raised their family in River Heights, and we all loved it. Our yard was a kid’s paradise! Dad was mayor there, and was generally known as the man with one hand on the piano and the other on his prized cannon. In 2003 they moved to Wellsville and their new house has again been a gathering place for family and friends.
To us kids, Dad was more than the “piano man” or firework creator that came home smelling of sulfur. He was the best birthday party magician, teacher, dish-washer, listener, “wagon-fixer”, elevator-ride-giver, master scripturian, back and arm scratcher, scout leader, daddy-daughter date and blamer-of-everything-on-the-dog there ever was.
As children, we never doubted our dad’s testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as it was not an uncommon occurrence for his children to find him in his office, kneeling in prayer. This testimony was manifested much more in action than words. Dad insisted that his family have early morning scripture study, family prayer and weekly Family Home Evenings. He even would stop during family vacations to hold a family testimony meeting, despite the occasional grumblings. But most importantly, Dad would testify of the Atonement every chance he could. Even as his body was being sickened and weakened by leukemia he still responded, “Stay close to the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is the key to happiness.”
Shortly before Dad passed, he was asked what he thought it would feel like the moment he died and what that would be like. With wit that never left him, he responded, “I don’t know, but I intend to find out!” And find out he has! While surrounded by loved ones, Dad stepped into the next part of his eternity on August 27, 2016. At the time he was serving as ward organist, primary pianist (a calling he had been dreaming of for the last 40 years), serving with Mom as leaders in the Stake Missionary Prep Course.
Ralph G. Degn is survived by his best friend and wife, Mary Ann Degn, his eight children (Chris, Matt, Patrick, Sarah, Jessica, Melissa, Anthony and Keith Nelson) their spouses, and 38 grandchildren.
Friends may visit the family Friday September 2nd from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Wellsville Stake Center, 30 South Center Street. Funeral services will be held on Saturday September 3rd at 1 p.m. at the Stake Center with a viewing from 11 to 12:30 p.m. Interment will be at the cemetery in River Heights.
Thank you for all the kind support our family has received. We have been greatly blessed.
